Let’s talk about sex maybe…
I’ve got to be honest and say that when it comes to talking about sex publicly I’m well and truly a virgin!
Sex for most of us is a private and personal subject.
But perhaps that’s part of the reason why, for many of us in long term relationships when it comes to frequency, we may not be in alignment with our partner. Are we being too private?
A study published by University of Toronto recently was in accord with other research that says that “more (sex) does not equal more happiness”, once you pass a level of once a week. I know a few men and women who would laugh in the face of such statistics! And I’m guessing that that’s where studies of this nature miss the point.
For every study, you will have the Stats telling you what the average finding is. That still leaves potentially a big group who would have above average needs and an equivalent number with below average needs.
I think it’s wrong for anyone to have to be told, “that’s it, you’ve had enough. No bonus happiness here”. When it’s quite possible that, that is in fact not the case for them.
Equally I think that the other half of that conversation is entitled to have their own view and needs listened to. Like everything in a relationship that lasts, it’s the quality of the discussions around any subject (especially sex), and ability to reach a compromise that wins out.
Sex like anything else that raises our heart rate and is strenuous, will burn calories. Obviously just like with regular exercise its the intensity with which you carry out the movement that will dictate just how many calories you burn. But anything from 70-100 for a ‘Quickie”, and up to 400 even 500 a heavy session is pretty much in line with many other common forms of ‘training”.
Just like exercise, sex is also a proven winner when it comes to Stress, Anxiety and improving mood. So if it’s such a good thing why do we sometimes get out of the habit of making the most of it?
So having thought about this subject and grappled with some of its intricacies, what do i think.
I think we should not be too quick to dismiss sex as a beautiful gift of nature, and a thoroughly good alternative workout!
We should be brave enough to be honest, firstly with ourselves and then with our partner. When deciding what we like, and how often we like it, and then listen and discuss with them their needs, in order to find the best compromise. If in fact a compromise is needed.
As part of that discussion I think we should emphasise that we don’t work well under a weight of expectation, and therefore agreement is the only sustainable answer.
I hope that my first talk about sex, has maybe helped.
October 16, 2016